Making all time Quality Time

>> Sunday, June 7, 2009

I should be in bed, but I got a good nap today and I can't turn away from the endless documentaries on TLC about overweight people and mystery illnesses.
My mind is racing through lists of things that need to happen this week. Errands to run, blog posts to write, activities to plan.
But there is more than that going through my mind.

It has been awhile since I have shared with y'all about what is really going on with me. As with almost every mother I know, life right now is complicated. I have a lot on my plate and am trying to do everything well. That is a task in itself. But what is really going on with me?

I am trying to get my priorities straight. I feel like I have been saying that for a long time. But at this point, I feel like I am putting things in place and taking some necessary steps to really do it this time. In an attempt to not just survive but actually to thrive in this over-scheduled/over-committed life of mine, I am adding a few more things to the schedule. Yes, adding. I am adding in scheduled time for myself. Non-to-do list, non-children, non-housework time. And similar time for Hubby too. And on top of that, we are scheduling date nights (*GASP*). At least one a month but two this month because it is our 10th wedding anniversary next weekend (Hooray!!). And I am going to bed at more reasonable hours (usually!). I am healthier and more productive when I am rested and have had a little time to myself. Isn't that true for almost everyone? Is it true for you?

I am focusing on being present in the moment, whatever that moment is. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the list of things to-do that I am never fully doing any one thing at a time. When sewing my slings, I am thinking of the million other things that I need to do and not enjoying the sewing. When playing with my boys, I am thinking about blogging or checking e-mail or doing things for my business. So, I have started keeping master lists and charting out my days. This may seem incredibly tedious to you, but I had to find someway to order the whirlwind that is my brain sometimes. If I have a list of things I have to do, I can glance at it a couple times a day and see what I can check off and I can add to it as things come across my mind. That way, I can sit and play trucks with Lucas and not worry that I am going to miss something or screw something up.

I have also started asking myself a very important question: Why? Why am I a blogger? Why do I make and sell slings? What are the benefits and reasons for the things that I choose to spend my time on? Ultimately, most things come down to my boys and my own personal enjoyment. I started sewing slings because I truly love to sew (and love babywearing) and I need it to get back to that. I blog because I love the outlet that it is and the community that it provides. I need that to remain true and not get caught up in "having to blog." When tasks become too "tasky," I enjoy them less and the stress becomes too much. So, I am working at getting life back to a manageable place of enjoying the things I do and not feeling obligated. And if I say I am doing something (ie: business or blogging related things) because they contribute to my ability to stay home and be a mom to my boys but they are actually taking too much time away from that, then I am trying to reassess the structure and commitment level of those things. Does that make any sense?

Overall, I am trying to get a handle on life. Life that has felt like a storm for the past 5years. Life that started to feel under control before I got pregnant with Caden and it took another twist on this emotional roller coaster. Life that is once again getting back to that place of level ground. I am figuring out what I want to be included and how best to manage it all. I am making quality time my priority. Or better yet, I am making it my priority to make all time quality time. Whether it be alone or with my boys or checking things off the to-do list, I am trying to learn how to make the most of every moment. Don't let me fool you that I have this figured out yet. Quite the opposite. But I am trying and for the first time in a long time I feel like I am getting somewhere.

It becomes more and more clear to me everyday that I am a work in progress. That God is shaping me and teaching me and using my challenges to force me to drop the "I am so capable" act and rely on Him like He asks me too. So much easier said than done. But God is helping me live life not as a victim of my circumstances but as one who chooses joy.

Maybe this is all just the nap talking. Man, I need to go to bed!

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krbc June 8, 2009 at 9:07 AM  

Yeah, Farrah! Good for you! It sounds like the fog is lifting and you are moving forward. I think maybe Joel and I need to do the date/month, too. Congrats in advance on your 10th anniversary. That is a big milestone. Love you! :)

Melinda June 9, 2009 at 10:34 PM  

Your post makes TOTAL sense. I am in a similar place. I just wrote about this tonight a little bit. The Lord has really been working on me about how I send my time and what matters and what doesn't and I am so happy at the changes I see. By the way, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

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