Psalm Sunday- What is Love?

Disclaimer: I have never claimed this blog to be a place of blind sappiness where I simply blab away about the cuteness of my boys or how great life is. I mean, my boys are certainly ultra-cute and I feel SO blessed to be their mother. But to drip on and on about how swell motherhood is would not be an accurate picture of my reality. So if you are looking for a blog that is happy-shiny-life is all roses and puppies, you might want to move on. That is not my blog, and not this post in particular.

I have been thinking a lot lately about love and what it means to give love to others and receive it for myself. I love my boys, I love my Hubby, I love my family. But the expression of those loves are all very different. And what do I need from people on order to feel loved and appreciated too. I don't have all that figured out, but what I do know is that at this point in my life my "love-needs" are changing and growing.
My need for Hubby's love is not the same now as 10 years ago. When we first started dating, the feelings of love were tingly and exciting. You know what I am talking about. I felt pursued, desired, ... loved. Now, three boys and 10years later, love feels and looks a lot different. I struggle at times to still feel loved. But, what is love really? Is it the spark, the sizzle? Is it Hubby going to work everyday to provide security for me and my boys? Doesn't it need to be a good mix of practical and romantic expressions of love? Again, I am still very much in the midst of trying to figure that all out while keeping proper perspective. But through this process, I feel like God is trying to teach me something bigger about love.
Ultimately, Love is sacrifice. It is putting the needs and desires of another ahead of your own. This past week of being in Florida with my family was somewhat of a sacrifice for me (although I was at the beach so there were definite perks too), but I did it out of love for my boys and for my family. Love is dropping the plans of my day to go to the aid of someone who has needs greater than mine.
I am learning too that I depend too much on Hubby and others to make me feel loved. God loves me. He is my All. Or at least He should be. His Love is always perfect, always exactly what I need at all times. And when I feel like Hubby's love or my family's love or my friends' love for me falls short, God's love will never fail. He is steadfast and faithful and unfailing.

I love the verse in Psalm 36 (vs. 9) that says "in Your light we see light."
In my current funk, I SO need His light to keep my on the right track.

<sup>Oh Lord, be my light and my source of true love. And teach me how to love others truly too.

Psalm 36

1</sup> An oracle is within my heart concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
There is no fear of God before his eyes.
² For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin.
³ The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;
he has ceased to be wise and to do good.
⁴ Even on his bed he plots evil; he commits himself to a sinful course
and does not reject what is wrong.
⁵ Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.
⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
⁹ For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.
¹⁰ Continue your love to those who know you, your righteousness to the upright in heart.
¹¹ May the foot of the proud not come against me,
nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.
¹² See how the evildoers lie fallen— thrown down, not able to rise!


Hungry (Kathryn Scott )

Hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry
And so I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is,living for.

Broken I run to You for Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
So I'll wait for You
So I'll wait for You

Hungry I come to you, for I know You satisfy




Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Read more...

Full

My days are full. Work, laundry, dishes, cooking, playdates, planning, stories, puzzles, errands, sewing...

My mind is full. Marriage, motherhood, should I work more, what preschool, am I doing enough, am I doing too much, ...
My arms are full. Lucas, Caden, Hadley, Hubby. My loves, my heart.
My heart is full.
My life is full.

And yet, I sometimes feel so lonely and even a bit empty. Am I the only one?

I am entering a hard season. Reflective. Longing.
I am trying to make life the best possible for all my boys, and myself too.
I am trying to love fully, making that the task that truly fills my days.

Yes, life is full and sometimes really hard. But also really great. And full.



P.S.~ I am sorry for my bloggy-slackerness of late. I will try to get better. I am trying to keep my priorities straight, and keep sleep as one of my priorities. :)




Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Read more...

Progress, I think.

After I wrote this last night, I sat on the couch - thinking, praying, regretting just a bit that I had dumped all my insecurities and issues out for all to see and judge. Feeling a little guilty for sounding so dreary and making it seem like I am never happy. I really can be a fun girl, I swear.
Then I read this from one of my dearest friends. Yes, that is me too. Weary, tired, sometimes unable to see things for how they truly are. That post reminded me of this one by another dear friend. Also me- so grateful for those special moments when your heart can hardly contain the pride and joy and blessing and depths of love for these boys.
So I sat on my couch, thinking and watching Caden sleep nearby. His precious little baby head covered in fuzzy hair except those few long strands on top that never fell out. The sweet sound of his lips smacking in his sleep (must be dreaming of nursies)and the occasional little groan as he adjusts and gets comfortable. Oh that face! I could stare at it forever. The day will come when he is 1, 2,... 10. And maybe life will be more smooth or maybe just differently bumpy. And I will miss looking at and kissing this baby.
[Note to self: Drink this in- cherish these moments, bumps and all. ]

I picked up my sleeping baby and headed upstairs for bed. This is what I found:

I don't know when Lucas went into my bed, but there he was all snuggled under my covers sleeping with daddy (who had NO IDEA he was there!). I gently woke him and led him back to his own bed. "I came to look for you, Mommy. I was missing you in my sleep," he said as we walked the short hall back to his room.
I sat next to his toddler bed supporting Caden as he nursed with one hand and rubbing Lucas' legs with the other. My weariness may cause me to miss some things, but this moment was not lost on me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath- you know, one of those breaths where you can feel the air expanding your lungs and the stress just melting away. A cleansing breath, and with it comes renewal and awareness and peace. Before I know it, Lucas will be 3,4,5...15. And I will miss his sweet expressions of love for me and his sincere desire to just be with his mama.

Motherhood is hard. So very hard. And days like yesterday simply reinforce the truth that I cannot do it on my own. None of us can. I am fortunate to have some very sweet friends who left encouraging words for me, came over to watch my boys for an hour so I could go for a walk, and have always tried to walk beside me no matter what. Friends like that are good for my soul. And we have just entered the season of Lent, the time of the church year when we are preparing for Easter and acknowledging our need for God. My need for God feels very real right now. More real than it has in a long time. And I think that too is good for my soul. I am a work in progress with pretty regular set backs. But progress none the less. And God's hand on me is never as evident as when the final moments of a really rough day are spent cradling my sleeping angels and drinking in the beauty of the moment.
[Note to self: spend more moments taking deep breaths and letting the beauty sink in and less time worrying about all that may or may not happen in the next moment.]

P.S.~I have said all along that this blog is my journey, both good and bad. It is where I share my passions, my joys, my tears and frustrations - my life. It is where I vent my bad days and share my good ones. I am honored that anyone would want to read it. So, thank you if you do. It is therapy for me and maybe, just maybe, it can be helpful to someone else. If you are reading, I would love to follow your journey too. Thanks for joining me on mine, even if the road is a bit bumpy sometimes.

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Read more...

Baby Love Redefined

I promise a more substantial post, probably with a similar theme, soon. But for now, I want to share with you some glimpses of this new precious little bundle that has stolen my heart. Or more accurately, made it double in size. This little one, who squeaks as he nurses and wrinkles his face right before he cries (which is really only when he is hungry) and loves to sleep with his cheek against my chest, is the most humbling and amazing little person. I sit and watch him, as he perfectly sleeps or squirms around or even as he cries, and my heart just swells. And to watch Lucas love his brother is overwhelming in ways I could have never imagined. He comes and kisses Caden's feet and touches his face and makes up his own songs about Caden when he wakes up in the morning or when Caden is crying in the car. "I am trying to help him not cry, Mommy," he says. He comes and sits next to me as I latch Caden on and says "Mommy, please read this book to Lucas and to Caden." I would love nothing more. Truly.
I would never have thought I could love another like I love Lucas. And I would have never imagined I could love Lucas more. Yet both have come true. And my heart swells.

Read more...

Precious moment

Lucas and I went to the local splashpad this morning with some friends. As we were leaving and I was buckling him in his carseat, he was asking me a million questions (as usual). "Mommy, what's that truck carrying? What's that man doing? Where we going, mommy?" To this last question I answered, "We are going home because mommy desperately needs a shower and a nap. Do you need anything?" His answer... "A big mommy-kiss! I love you SO MUCH!" Can you hear my heart melting?!? That is my precious boy!

Picture courtesy of Stephanie Dame photography- taken at the Babywearing Conf. Thanks Stephanie! She is an amazing photographer in the Oak Park area if anyone is in need. We plan on booking her this fall for some family photos. She is great!

Read more...

Fatherly Love- Psalm Sunday

Not a lot of really deep thoughts today. I have just been meditating a bit about the love of fathers and how unique a love that is. I think of my own father and how he has always been this pillar of strength, my best-advocate, someone on which I KNOW I can always lean on. His love is un-losable. He would never turn his back on me and would face any danger or trial to come to my aid if ever I call on him. My father is an amazing man for whom I have nothing but the upmost respect. How much more does my Heavenly Father love me and want to give me all the goodness and riches of His kingdom. The only thing He asks in return is that I fear Him and seek Him and praise Him. So that is this week's Psalm will be- a praise offering to my Father who loves me and is ever deserving of my praise.

Psalm 103

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.

Jesus. Lover of My Soul (Darlene Zchech)

Jesus, lover of my soul

Jesus, I will never let You go

You've taken me from the miry clay

You've set my feet upon the rock

And now I know

I love you,

I need you

Though my world may fall I'll never let You go

My Savior, my closest Friend

I will worship you until the very end

Read more...