>> Sunday, August 29, 2010
I have mentioned MANY times that I am fairly certain I am done having babies. Lots of factors went into making that decision and the older Caden gets the more sure I am becoming that I don't want to re-enter the "baby phase" of life.
Last night I had a dream, one of those that felt so real that I had to convince myself it wasn't true when I woke up. I told Hubby about it and we both had a good laugh. But deep down it was more unsettling than amusing. The most unsettling thing.... I have had an almost identical dream before. Hmmmm....
I dreamt that I had a baby. A baby girl, to be exact. And I named her Molly in both dreams. The circumstances were different in each dream, but in both dreams I didn't know I was pregnant until very late in the pregnancy and Hubby didn't meet her until a few days after she was born. Upon learning I was having a baby in both dreams, I was in shock but not surprised (if that makes any sense). I somehow knew it was coming but was not ready for it at all.
I am not one to get crazy about dream interpretation. But there have been a few times in my life when I have put stock in a dream I had or someone else had about me. I don't know that any of those times have worked out as the dreams predicted but I don't know that I expect them to. But, I do think the God can and does use our dreams to speak to us. Either to give us glimpses of what's to come or give us peace about the present or maybe spur us on to something.
If I had only had this dream once, I might be more likely to brush it off. But twice.... Is God trying to tell me something? Am I done? I feel less certain of it today than I did yesterday and yet my reasons for being done still remain. I WOULD love to have a daughter. Yet I LOVE being the mother of boys and could be totally content if this was it. In my dreams, I knew once Molly was born that my family was finally complete. It felt right. That is the part I can't shake. I feel like I am done. But maybe God has one more baby for me.. maybe a girl named Molly?
I don't know. Maybe I am ready WAY too much into this. Maybe I had a little too much wine last night while Hubby was at the Sox game. Maybe this is my subconscious just working out my lingering doubts about having another baby. Or maybe, God is planting seeds in my heart, preparing me for another baby that may be in my future. I guess time will tell, but I sure would like to know how much time that will be.
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