A Need for Love

If you have been around the blogsphere or twitter at all today, you have heard about this story. I didn't even know about this blog until today. And boy, am I glad. I know it was God's way of sparing me the emotional manipulation. I did read about it last night, but I had no idea the extent of the deception that this woman manufactured until I read this Chicago Trib article today.

My first reaction- rage! How could this Chicago suburbs (she is from Palos Heights) woman fake this tragedy that is SO REAL for SO MANY people? She played on the empathy and emotion of mothers who have walked through similar heartache all in the name of getting the attention. The Trib reports that she did receive donations and gifts but they can't confirm if she benefited financially from the whole hoax. That doesn't matter to me. What makes me so infuriated is that she took a situation that I have lived through, that LOTS of people have lived through, and turned into a big game. It is not a game. The pain is real. The grief, the anxiety, the depth of sadness that you almost can't escape... all very real.

Once I had the chance to sit with this for a bit, my next reaction is just plain sadness. Sad for her. Sad for all the people that made the effort to support her even if it brought back the pain of their own grief. What must this girl's life be like that she would have to create such an elaborate scam to get the attention and love she needs? The Trib article also reports that she did lose a baby in 2005. SO she does know this pain. Which makes it even worse to me that she exploited it in this way. She must have a void, an emotional void, a deep need to be loved and appreciated and valued.

I don't know what disturbs me more, what this lady did or why she did it. Or, that I can see pieces of myself in her. I do know that feeling of wanting everyone to share in my grief or just acknowledge that what I was/am feeling is real. I also know the desire to have attention showered on me and to feel like I have something to give that other people thing is worth something. I too have a deep need to be loved and valued and appreciated. Most of us do in some way or another. But, thankfully and by God's grace, I have people in my life that love me and value me and appreciate me. Maybe not all the time or perfectly well. But I know that I am loved. And although my blog does not get 100,000 hits/day (as her was) or anywhere even in that ballpark, I can't get my worth from that. And even when the things I do to try to get attention or make something out of myself don't elicit the response from others that I was maybe hoping for, I can only be myself and learn to be content with that.

This girl, "April's Mom," did a really horrible thing. But she did it to fill a very real need. And I get that. I hate what she did. It still makes me very mad. But, I also want to find her and give her a hug. I'm sure she feels horrible now that the truth is out and she is getting all this negative press. I have done things too that I am not proud of. Most people have if they are being honest. So, I forgive her as a way of continuing the healing process in me. My grief is not lessened by what she did. Nor is hers. And for that, she needs my prayers and not my rage.


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