Accomplished

I finished a 10K race today. Without stopping. Under my time goal. And it feels good!!

I was so nervous about this one- it seemed like a big leap. I got myself so worked up, in fact, that when I crossed the START line, I was in tears and cried for the first 2-3min of the run. My emotions and adrenaline were all over the place. But I eventually settled in and felt good, even with the heat. It was sunny, in the low 80's with about 85% humidity so it felt pretty warm to me. Especially the last mile or so, I started feeling really tired. It is these types of moments where being stubborn is a positive trait. I told myself, I didn't come this far to quit and just kept going. One foot in front of the other, until I saw the water table at 5.5miles and then I picked up my speed a bit. The end was just around the corner. And then, there it was- the end- with my boys and some friends there to cheer me across.

Today, I feel less like a loser who does all things mediocre. After completing this race, I actually feel like I can do whatever I set my mind to. I set this goal for myself and now I can check this off. After seeing my official time, I started crying again. Relief and happiness. Just grateful for a moment when I see progress in myself, like I do have things going for me.
I texted a friend my official time (since she knew I was stressed about not making it under my time goal), and she told me I should write a letter to myself that I can read on those days when the feelings of pervasive mediocrity come creeping back in. So here it goes...

There are many things in life right now that feel unsure. It is easy to look at the tasks and situations that dominate my life and feel like I am wading through sludge, barely making ground and not ever getting anywhere. But take this feeling of accomplishment and ride it through. I am strong and determined. I can push through difficult things and reach the other side. I have trained myself to run this distance through sheer determination, even when joint pain and busy, tired days have made it even harder. I am proud of myself for what I accomplished today. I CAN do what I set my mind to, and show my boys that hard work DOES pay off eventually.

I know lots of people have accomplished much more and have done this race better than I could today. But the accomplishment of today, for me, still feels good. I am going to let this happiness sit for awhile. And hopefully it will find a nice place in my soul to set up camp for awhile.

I may not do many things well, but for today, I feel accomplished. And it feels good.



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