Tranquil

The beach has always been my haven, the place where I feel most at peace in my own skin. After my run along the beach road this morning, I sat for awhile, taking advantage of this kid-free time in my favorite of all places to be alone. The early sunlight, cool breeze, and the post-run feeling of accomplishment all made for a perfect moment of tranquility in my soul. Not to mention this heart drawn in the sand filled with red rose petals that some kind soul set up to give me a picturesque place to sit and have my moment (hehe!- or else somebody got married here last night!).

As I sat in the sand, I prayed and listened to the waves. I tried to practice the discipline of solitude, of being silent with my heart and head open to whatever God may have to fill me with. I am SO not good at this. My brain can't seem to stop filling the void with thoughts of to-do's or blog posts or etc... After several minutes of trying to clear my head, I turned on this song (Tenth Avenue North) in hopes that it would help my heart speak what I was trying to feel.



Such a powerful song for me. So raw and true. And as I sat on the beach and prayed this song, I felt my soul be at peace. I am a complicated girl. I have deep worries and lingering heartache. I have immense joy and overwhelming gratitude. I have so, so many thoughts and fears and hopes and questions constantly running through my head. I watch these two little men grow and wonder if I am measuring up to this task God has laid before me. If I can EVER measure up...

The more challenges life seems to throw my way, the more I am confronted with my own inabilities. What would happen if I let God's love just wash over me like these waves? Would I ever be able to let go of my "should be"s and "how can I"s and let God's love be over and underneath and inside and in between? I feel His hands and hear His voice standing in this early morning surf. But can I take this tranquility from here out to my day, my world beyond the sand? Usually not very well, but I am desperately wanting to give it another try.



"I hear you say 'My love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt Me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
...these times you're healing and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
...in times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love I will keep you by my power alone

my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends. "

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