Now for some sunshine

All that I just wrote in the post below is truly my current state of mind. But, so as not to pull everyone down in the dumps with me... here are some recent pictures of Lucas that are like rays of sunshine that always burst through my little rain clouds.

Lucas playing in our backyard.

Lucas dressed as a leaf walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid at a wedding last weekend. I admit I was skeptical about the success of Lucas being a leaf in our friends' autumn-themed wedding, but it turned out to be super cute. An exhausting day for all three of us though.

Lucas was so tired, in fact, that he laid on the dance floor at the reception and said "night-night." If you know Lucas, you know how tired he had to have been for that to happen.

Still tired the next morning at breakfast....

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When it rains, it pours

Life can be so overwhelming... I am in the midst of a funk... too much circling my mind...

I had my final Wheaton French Market of the season yesterday and it did not go as I had hoped. Most of my other Markets have been such a huge success. Lots of slings sold and lots of opportunities to meet local moms and share with them the awesome-ness of babywearing. Yesterday was no such day. I sold a few and meet a couple moms, but the Market was comparatively dead and I came home totally bummed. All that work for so little gain. I have already been feeling kinda stuck in this little business venture lately so having an off day didn't help matters any. I don't know how to make it take off. Do I learn to be content with what it is or do I need to find ways to build and find the time to do it?

On top of that, my son is sick...again. He had pneumonia on his first birthday last March and since then every little virus or bug or if the wind blows the wrong way brings us to the point of coughing and vomiting and nebulizers and then diarrhea and HORRIBLE diaper rash that doesn't respond to ANYTHING. It is almost more than I can take at times. Everyone has an opinion. Pediatrician: "Kids get colds. Use this cream." Chiropractor who had a table next to mine at the Market: "It's because he was immunized. Your home probably has mold. He needs extensive chiropractic adjustments probably not covered by insurance." Any number of people: "He has allergies. He has...." You get the point. I think there are shreds of truth in everyone's opinion but how do I sort it all and make sense enough to do what is right for my son? He is getting better now. But how long until we are here again, asking the same questions and crying the same tears of frustration? That chiropractor made me feel like the worst mom in the universe. It didn't take a lot of convincing.

I feel like I am struggling to be an entrepreneur and struggling to be a mom and struggling to be a good sister to mine who needs me right now and struggling to ... I could go on but shouldn't. I am trying to find the cheerful way to wrap this up and nothing is coming. I am not seeing the "big-picture" lesson in this particular funk.

At least my Gators won a big game yesterday. There's my silver lining...

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First fall walk...

We took our first cold weather walk yesterday. After pumpkin-picking in 90 degree heat last weekend, the last few days have had highs in the 50's so fall has officially come to Chicagoland. I couldn't resist taking a picture of Lucas in his hat and bomber jacket. Don't let the flowers in the background deceive you... it was cold!

P.S.~ I found some cool contests today from two awesome mommies sharing their birthdays by giving gifts to others... Check them out!

Mamanista!
From Dates to Diapers

http://ooohpickmepickme.blogspot.com/2007/10/big-birthday-giveaway.html

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My seven things

As a relative newbie to the blogging scene, I have never been "tagged" before. So thank you "b" @ Random Acts of Motherhood for the honor.

Here are the people I tag to write seven things that are true about themselves (people whose blogs I think are awesome and I read consistently - you should check them out):
1- My Two Boys
2- Earthmommy
3- Catherine (my real-life best friend!)
4- InTeDomine
5- Two Square Meals
6- Crunchy Domestic Goddess (who makes super cute t-shirts for mommies and babies!)
7- Drea

o.k.... Here are my seven. All are true, some are fun and others are deep. I guess that should be the first thing about me, I am a weird mix of lighthearted and complex. Sometimes, I can't figure myself out. Anyway... here are the real seven:

1. I am a military kid who grew up all over the world. I claim the South as my home (mostly Florida) because that is where I spent the most time and where my parents live now. My heritage is southern, my relatives are southern, I bleed sweet tea... I count myself Southern!!
Which leads me to #2...

2. I am a college football FANATIC!! All year I count the days to the first "College GameDay" of the season and could watch game after game. It is by far the BEST sport ever. Specifically, I am a Florida Gator. I didn't go to school there (almost did, but God had other plans...long story) but I have been a Gator fan my whole life. I love my Gators through the good, the bad, and the ugly which can sometimes come in the same season. Win or Lose... GO GATORS!!

3. I clean when I get angry. My mom used to try to push my buttons or criticize my boyfriend (which was easy since he was a loser) when I was in highschool so I would clean my room.

4. I have a tendency to lose my "voice," to not feel comfortable with my own thoughts and feelings. I tend to morph to what I think those around me would want me to be or say or think and my true-self sometimes gets lost in the process. I'm working on it....

5. My favorite evening snack is strawberry Twizzlers and a caffeine-free Diet Pepsi.

6. My newest passion is babywearing. I got a sling as a gift when my son was born and that has launched me into this new world of carriers and attachment parenting that I can't seem to soak in fast enough. I love trying new carriers or new holds. I really love teaching someone else about babywearing and watching them get excited about snuggling baby but having hands free. After losing my first son as an infant, I never wanted to be apart from Lucas when he was born. With my sling, I didn't/don't have to .

7. I LOVE my son's laugh. It brings me joy like nothing else can. He has this awesome belly laugh when you tickle his feet. Here's a taste. Try not to smile... I dare ya'!



So there you have it. Thanks "b" for wanting to know more about me. I can't wait to read everyone's responses. You can never know too much about your friends. :)

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Do you want broccoli or cookies?

Jessica Seinfeld was on Oprah today sharing the secrets of hiding vegetables in other foods so kids will eat them. My first thought was "what a good idea!" especially considering the chore that meal time has become lately. But then do our kids learn the value of healthy eating? When they are old enough to make their own food decisions, will they choose a rounded diet or will they continue to eat chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese because that is what they know (they don't know it had cauliflower and spinach puree in there). I know she is trying to simply get kids those nutrients and for that reason I will probably try some of her recipes. But it seems that you should also teach kids to eat vegetables that they recognize as vegetables so that the will actually learn to eat vegetables... Is the short term solution of getting the nutrients in their little bodies worth the risk that they will not learn the larger long-term lesson? From a mama who hates the meal-time battle even at 18months, what is the right balance?

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God's hand of protection

So I don't profess to be a good driver. Maybe because I am always thinking about a million other things or am perpetually running behind or I try to cram too much into short amounts of time. Sound familiar, mamas? I don't really like to drive. It freaks me out a little for myself and my son to be in this large, steel contraption going 50+ mph with dozens of other people doing the same and faster. So much potential for tragedy.
Several months ago I got a speeding ticket just because I wasn't paying attention to how fast I was going. I wasn't really in a rush, at least not that time. I think I was giving Lucas a snack or his juice or any number of other things to keep him happy. A couple weeks later, I bumped the bumper of a girl at a light because I had seen the light turn green and started driving without making sure the car in front of me started driving first. Details, details... Too much on my mind. Then a few weeks ago, I got backed into by a cute elderly gentleman in the Target parking lot. Last Friday, I was turning left on a green arrow and someone ran the light. It was too late to slam my brakes so I floored the gas instead. The other car's brakes screeched and they swerved and thankfully our cars never as much as brushed each other. I sat in the parking lot I had turned into and cried. That car would have crushed my son. I couldn't do anything but repeat the phrase "God's hand of protection, God's hand of protection." I am not a great driver, but at least I am aware that it is one of my many deficiencies and I try to compensate. I can't control the driving of others and that scares me. In all these auto situations, the result could have been far worse than it was. I am forever stuck by how many times God's hand of protection keeps me from colliding with things that can hurt me or my family... in the car and elsewhere.
I am a nurse who treats patients coming in with acute heart attacks, strokes, and other emergency type situations. Just this weekend, I met a family whose 60yr. old father was within minutes of his last breath but we got him into our lab and opened up the blood flow to his heart and he is going to be fine (with a little medicine and quitting smoking that is.) He thought his pain was indigestion and almost didn't call 911. God's hand of protection.
How many times a day, a week do we find ourselves thinking "man, that could have been awful"? Or most times are we totally unaware of the ways God keeps us from danger? I am a natural worrier. But when I see how God sent his angels to protect my son and my car from being crushed by someone else's carelessness, I am reminded that God doesn't need me to worry about things for Him to take care of them. He is taking care of it already. Whether it be in the car or wherever else I need protecting, I am so thankful that His hand is always on me and those I love.

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Babywearing in the city

We took Lucas into the city this past weekend for the first time. The weather was perfect- the ideal end of summer/beginning of fall day in Chicago. It is days like that which make living in Chicago in February and March worth it. We walked aroung Grant Park and Millenium Park, soaking in the warmth and watching Lucas experience the fountains and the "Bean" with wonder and amazement. He loved Buckingham and Crown fountains (the one with the faces and where you can walk in the water). He was intrigued with being able to see his reflection in the "bean." Most of all though, he was overjoyed at the constant stream of buses passing by. He would point and yell (and I mean yell) "BUS!! Mama, BUS!!" Then "bye-bye bus.... BUS!!" It was so fun to see him having such a good time and being a little boy. Not too big to ride with mama though.... he still loves the sling and mama does too!

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