All the things I should have said

>> Monday, November 24, 2008

Dear Sir who rudely approached me in Burger King while I was lunching with my boys~

I was so caught off guard when you came up to my table to reprimand me for nursing my baby in public, that I was unable to say all the things that I should have said. I now know how I want to respond so here it goes...

Let me start by saying, my baby was in the sling and covered by my sweater and there was NO skin showing. None at all. So I am not even sure what was so offensive to you that you went out of your way to scold me in front of my sons. But it was rude, so very rude. No one else was watching me, except you. That is, until you made a scene and brought all eyes my way. And then, I was embarrassed. You made my cheeks turn red and made feel like I should leave. But I had done nothing wrong. Nothing. I was very discretely feeding my son and you perverted that into something to be ashamed of. How dare you!?!? I am not being "inappropriate." It is not "something only to be done in private." It is natural, necessary, and my law-given right to feed my baby discretely where and when I need/want to.

What time warp did you just step out of that you think it is still the 1950's and breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of? Did your mommy not treat you right? Well, whatever your "women-issues," don't project them on me as I sit here nurturing my boys. I am a mother and I do what I have to do for my boys. If my baby is hungry and crying, I will feed him no matter where we are. If we are at church, in the mall, the grocery store, in line at Starbucks... heck, even if we were at the freakin' White House.... if my baby is hungry, I WILL FEED HIM!!! And no amount of creepy staring or misplaced reprimand from losers like you will ever change that.

And while on the topic of location, it is just Burger King, dude. It is not the Ritz-Carlton (although it wouldn't matter if it was). Take your mother/aunt/elderly woman friend someplace a little nicer next time for lunch and maybe it will be a little more up to your "standards."

Oh and finally... don't call me "young lady." I am almost 32, the mother of 3, a nurse, a wife, a full-time mother.... I work damn hard to take care of my family. I don't need to be patronized by a misogynistic, overweight loser who has nothing better to do than approach a well-meaning mom just trying to feed my kids and get through the day the best I can. Maybe next time I will let the baby scream and see how much that disturbs your lunch. Except I won't do that, 'cuz no matter where or when, if my baby is hungry I WILL FEED HIM. So step off!


Atwood-Family of 3 November 25, 2008 at 7:35 AM  

Wow-you hear horror stories about people approaching and reprimanding nursing mothers, but you never know someone it has happened to. It seems almost like an Urban Legend because really, in 2008 who would really approach a nursing mother and tell her to stop or what she was doing was inappropriate? I can't believe that actually happened. I am shocked. I have no idea what I would have done in that similar situation but I give you kuddos for going through it and continuing to nurse your son. I would love to see a post on exactly what he said and what you said because, again, I am shocked that someone actually could do that....

How about this, when my baby comes, I'll make an effort to nurse him/her in a restaraunt to support my fellow nursing mama and friend!

a handler November 25, 2008 at 11:09 AM  

well said!! I have yet to be approached but I feel bad for the person who does

TwoSquareMeals November 25, 2008 at 8:33 PM  

I can't believe that! Especially since you were nursing discreetly. Wish I had been there to defend you, though I probably would have been too shocked to find words. It's one thing for the guy to think that and turn away. That's understandable for a man who is part of the no-fathers-in-the-delivery-room and bottle fed baby generation. But for him to actually come up to you and say something!

Have you read the post at "Wheels on the Bus" today? Not sure if you read that blog, but you should check it out: (

I'm sorry you had to go through that and that someone wanted you to feel guilty about being a good mamma. Glad you found the words, even if it was after the fact. Love you!

Anonymous November 25, 2008 at 9:43 PM  

Wow. I cannot believe you nursed in Burger KIng.

Those seats are mighty uncomfortable :)

Melinda November 26, 2008 at 9:55 AM  

Good grief, what is wrong with poeple?

First off, YOU GO GIRL! You are an amazing mama and selfless care for your kids. This big pervert weirdo can just kiss off.

What did you say?

I don't know what I would have done. I tend to get flustered too, but I usually end up saying something really nasty back, and then wishing later I could have said something different.

I didn't do a whole lot of public nursing with Aspen, just because we were rarely out and about long enough when she was really small, but whenever I did I was always a little paranoid about it. Good for you for doing i and you just keep right on.

Heather @ Not a DIY Life November 26, 2008 at 5:11 PM  

Oh my word, Farrah! I can't believe someone still feels it's wrong or nasty to breastfeed in public. Yes, he obviously has woman issues. One theory I read a while back was that men who are obsessed with breasts were likely weaned too early!

I'm sorry that this happened to you, but good for you for not leaving or allowing yourself to be bullied. Hugs!

Anonymous November 27, 2008 at 7:57 PM  

That just blows my mind. Way to go though. You did nothing wrong and seriously - no skin showing, why was he paying such close attention that he even knew what you were up to? People like that make me so mad. Shame on him.

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