Done! or Done?

>> Sunday, August 29, 2010

I have mentioned MANY times that I am fairly certain I am done having babies. Lots of factors went into making that decision and the older Caden gets the more sure I am becoming that I don't want to re-enter the "baby phase" of life.

But....

Last night I had a dream, one of those that felt so real that I had to convince myself it wasn't true when I woke up. I told Hubby about it and we both had a good laugh. But deep down it was more unsettling than amusing. The most unsettling thing.... I have had an almost identical dream before. Hmmmm....
I dreamt that I had a baby. A baby girl, to be exact. And I named her Molly in both dreams. The circumstances were different in each dream, but in both dreams I didn't know I was pregnant until very late in the pregnancy and Hubby didn't meet her until a few days after she was born. Upon learning I was having a baby in both dreams, I was in shock but not surprised (if that makes any sense). I somehow knew it was coming but was not ready for it at all.

I am not one to get crazy about dream interpretation. But there have been a few times in my life when I have put stock in a dream I had or someone else had about me. I don't know that any of those times have worked out as the dreams predicted but I don't know that I expect them to. But, I do think the God can and does use our dreams to speak to us. Either to give us glimpses of what's to come or give us peace about the present or maybe spur us on to something.

If I had only had this dream once, I might be more likely to brush it off. But twice.... Is God trying to tell me something? Am I done? I feel less certain of it today than I did yesterday and yet my reasons for being done still remain. I WOULD love to have a daughter. Yet I LOVE being the mother of boys and could be totally content if this was it. In my dreams, I knew once Molly was born that my family was finally complete. It felt right. That is the part I can't shake. I feel like I am done. But maybe God has one more baby for me.. maybe a girl named Molly?

I don't know. Maybe I am ready WAY too much into this. Maybe I had a little too much wine last night while Hubby was at the Sox game. Maybe this is my subconscious just working out my lingering doubts about having another baby. Or maybe, God is planting seeds in my heart, preparing me for another baby that may be in my future. I guess time will tell, but I sure would like to know how much time that will be.



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10 comments:

Literacygirl August 30, 2010 at 2:03 AM  

Adoption?

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog August 30, 2010 at 7:35 AM  

It's tricky, especially if you didn't plan on another one. Good luck on discussing and working this out with your husband!

Molly's a really sweet name, btw...

Atwood-Family of 4 August 30, 2010 at 7:49 AM  

I know you have a lot more going into a pregnancy that other people (lupus, losing Micah, other pregnancy complications, etc.) but you were pretty sure you were done after having lucas but then God blessed you with Caden, and I know what an amazing blessing he has been to you and your family. So perhaps it's something to think about...

TwoSquareMeals August 30, 2010 at 7:50 AM  

Maybe he's just telling you to start the adoption process :)

Catherine August 30, 2010 at 8:03 AM  

Hmmmmm........

Lucy August 31, 2010 at 11:19 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucy August 31, 2010 at 11:20 PM  

I think there's a Molly on your horizon! :)

Melinda September 1, 2010 at 8:24 PM  

Girl, I have so been there. Pray a lot about it and trust God. He knows what's best for us, and will bless us abundantly when we trust Him. And I sure understand your feelings. I'm 40, we have four kids, a far from perfect marriage and we're running to keep up with bills and the three girls still at home. My head screams "DONE!" but my heart says "DONE?"

Melinda September 1, 2010 at 8:24 PM  

Girl, I have so been there. Pray a lot about it and trust God. He knows what's best for us, and will bless us abundantly when we trust Him. And I sure understand your feelings. I'm 40, we have four kids, a far from perfect marriage and we're running to keep up with bills and the three girls still at home. My head screams "DONE!" but my heart says "DONE?"

Ashley September 10, 2010 at 2:15 AM  

Sure would take the pressure off of me to contribute any grandchildren. hehe. You probably didn't take me for serious awhile back, but remember when I sent you a text asking if you could be pregnant? I saw you holding a baby while L & C were older--Marcus wasn't in my dream, but you were talking to this Josh Duhamel look alike when I noticed another kid you were saying was yours. Not sure if it was a girl or not, and I'm sure that the Josh Duhamel lookalike was my next husband.... or at least I can hope. (for both-- a josh lookalike and a niece). I have to agree with those who mention adoption here--ever since we were younger you always mentioned it as something you really wanted to do. Maybe another trip to China?? :) The good news is, God knows what is gonna be the right way to go. The bad news is, he rarely tell us in cloud writing. Of course it just would be too easy for Him to guide those of us who walk by faith and not by sight. Be still and rest in your knowledge that God isn't the author of confusion. <3

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