The cutest, yet very frustrating, Dino ever!!!

>> Thursday, November 1, 2007

So we did make it trick-or-treating with our friends. He took a 15min nap in the car on the way to meet them and woke up surprisingly refreshed. We had fun and Lucas looked super cute. He loves dinos so we went with that although the costume may have looked more like a gator... it was awesome either way!! We went to a local retirement community with a friend where the residents were having a little party and trick-or-treating for the kids. It was awesome to see Lucas interact with the residents and how their faces lite up with all the kids running around. Then after a brief visit to our Aunt Julie at work (who just got engaged!!), we went to our friends' house and trick-or-treated with them for an hour or so. It was a good ending to a very frustrating day.

It is so amazing to me how someone so little can make me SO frustrated. When he doesn't nap and I think he should, I can't keep it together. I know I have a problem with expectations. If my husband tells me in the morning that he will be home at 6:30 and he gets home instead at 6:45, I freak out. For those 15minutes I am pacing, wondering why he has let me down and why I don't have help when I think I should. But, if he were to tell me in the morning that he won't be home until 7pm or later, then I am not mad at 6:45 when I don't have help. I expected it. It is the same with Lucas' naps. If I mentally expect to have a break at a certain time and he won't nap, I start this domino chain of frustration and self-pity. The more frustrated I get with him, the more likely he is to get upset and not settle down to fall asleep. I become a mom I hate, I don't want to be that mom. It becomes a really vicious cycle.

How do I keep from letting myself expect things to be a certain way? Do I tell myself all day that he will have no nap and hubby won't get home until after meal and bed time? Then I will pleasantly surprised if things turn out more fortunate than that. Is that the only way to stop that first domino from falling? I would like to think that there is a better way. Maturity, discipline... I don't know. I often close my eyes and pray for God to grant me peace and calm and keep me seeing the big picture. It works for a little while. I sometimes have to just put him in the crib and close the door. We are not "cry-it-out" people. That has just not been our style. Sometimes, though, I just need a few minutes of quiet before I try again.

Lucky for me, Lucas is very forgiving at this age. I think it is God's mercy on mothers, especially first time mothers, that our children don't develop long-term memories until age 2-3. That might give me some time to figure this out. As soon as I am ready to give up and let him play, he smiles and looks at me and says something totally adorable that melts me back into reality. He isn't doing it to frustrate me. He loves me and I cherish him. That is hard to keep on the forefront of thought when I really need a break and he won't stop screaming.

No one told me this thing called Motherhood would be so trying but so rewarding too. I love that little dino... he definitely has a loud roar though!!!


Atwood-Family of 3 November 2, 2007 at 7:19 AM  

I totally hear you Farrah! I too need that break, and need that time from John to come home. I expect him to be home around 6:30 and if he's more than 10 minutes late I start to get really upset, thinking how unfair it is that now I have to give Anne her bath, I have to put her down, instead of him doing it when he gets home. I'm the same way with naps. Fortunately Anne has only refused to nap maybe 2 times in her life, so that is good, but if she has been napping for 2-3 hours and then (like this week) changes it to 1.5 hours, I have a really hard time with that! 1.5 hours is not enough of a break for me! I'm used to 2 hours and I need that. I know I'm going to adjust to it if she sticks with it as well, it's just hard when she throws me for a loop. Unfortunately we are the let her cry type, mainly because if I had more than a few days of her not napping, or not napping well, I would loose it and yell at her or just get really irritated with her. So for me to be a better mom, I have to get that break. I discovered that very very early on. You are doing an amazing job Farrah, try not to get down on yourself!


Wendy November 2, 2007 at 10:42 AM  

It's amazing how refreshed a child can be after only 15 minutes' worth of a nap, isn't it?

I've had that same struggle with waiting and waiting and WAITING for the clock to finally get around to when hubby should get home from work and give me that extra hand...only to be devastated when he didn't show up for another 20, 30 or sometimes 60 minutes. Now, when he says, "I'll be home by five," I mentally (and sometimes out loud even) say, "I'll see you at six."

I'd love to give you the most awesome advice on how to handle it that would make all your days rainbow-bright with sunshine and happiness. But I can't. My own mental attitude most of the time is, "I'm on my own with this. God please guide my steps and give me strength." Most days I do pretty well. Some, like this week, well...I've had some pretty extensive talks with my Creator about the children not napping, and the screeching, and the getting into EVERYTHING, and the way it makes me feel so inadequate. And then He reminds me that all this will pass. My oldest is in college now, no longer the two-year old that refused to go to sleep at night and poured syrup on the carpet when I wasn't looking. My next two children are old enough to go to bed when I tell them, or stay up and help me with the babies if I ask.

Sorry for the novel-length comment, but I really connected with what you wrote. I'll be coming by again. :)

TwoSquareMeals November 2, 2007 at 1:13 PM  

Oh, Farrah, we had one of those moments this morning. For me it is less about unmet expectations and more about impatience. Calvin is soooo slow when I ask him to do something. It's not that he is disobeying so much that he gets distracted and forgets to obey. I had to get out the door this morning, and I lost it, screaming at him when he threw a fit about my helping him get dressed when he had had 20 minutes to do it on his own.

I wish I had an answer. I think I am just slowly being sanctified through this process of parenting. Something about parenting causes us to deal with our worst faults, for me that is a lack of patience.

But Lucas knows you love him. And my boys know I love them. When I told Calvin I was sorry for yelling, he gave me his sweet "I love you mommy" look and the world was right.

Be Inspired Always November 6, 2007 at 11:59 AM  

Cute costume :)

I'm new to your blog, I'll be stopping by again.


Crunchy Domestic Goddess November 11, 2007 at 3:11 PM  

oh my goodness - what a cute little dino! :)

and yes, we have to cut ourselves some slack sometimes. it is hard to try to be everything to everyone. try to take some time out for you too, mama. :)

Baby Love Slings


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