Higher

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9-10

Micah

Lucas

Caden

There is an old Garth Brooks song about being thankful for Unanswered Prayers. I'm not much of a country music fan, but that particular song rings pretty true for me these days.

Have you ever prayed so earnestly for something, thinking that surely God will answer your prayers and give you whatever it is that you are asking for? I think we have all been there. Both in good and bad times, we ask God to shape the future into something that we, in our limited perspective, think is what we want and what would be best for our lives.

I used to sit on the steps of my dorm as a college freshman and pray that God would arrange the current circumstances so that I could marry this particular guy from high school. I didn't even really like him. And I for sure didn't like the me I was when I was with him. But I was still convinced I was supposed to marry him and I didn't understand why God wasn't working that out for me. Obviously I did not marry him, and am SO SO grateful that I didn't. I just heard from an old friend that he is still single, living with his parents and working for a well-known television evangelist. Can you imagine me as Mrs. "tele-evangelist assistant"? Ummm.... not so much.

I have mentioned before that in December of '07, I came to a place where I felt personally content for the first time since before we moved back to Chicago (August '02). Life felt comfortable, stable... content. Then boom... I'm pregnant. Life is again uncertain and my path unclear. I struggled with why God would do this to me. "I don't want this, God. I was happy where I was. What is going on?" Fast-forward 9 months of emotional roller-coaster and here comes this perfect little baby, unexpected and yet just what I need. Here he lays on my lap, nursing a little each time he stirs but mostly just content to sleep all cozy next to mom. I look at him, I smell him, I place my cheek on the top of his head as I cuddle him in the sling and I am once again in a place of thankfulness for God's higher wisdom. He knew that what I considered contentment was not true. For now I truly feel complete and not just content. Now I can say to all that I am the mother of boys, and whether you know my past or not that makes sense. Most people just know the two boys, but in my heart I mean all three and it feels good to acknowledge it out loud in some way. I don't expect anyone to understand why that makes me feel more whole. I don't fully get it myself. I just know that having Caden gives me even more of a glimpse of what it would have been like to have Micah and that is a gift that I never expected. And God knew. He just knew.

I don't think I would call them unanswered prayers. Redirected, perhaps, but not unanswered. Just different answers than I expected. There are still circumstances in which God choosing to take life a different direction than we pray for will always seem unfair. Why did God choose to take Micah despite all my (and other people's) prayers for healing? But if I believe in his sovereignty in not making me "Mrs. tele-evangelist" and blessing me with the adventure of Caden even though I prayed for level-ground, then I have to trust that all His other answers are true and good despite my feelings. There have been moments when I have caught glimpses of God's higher plan in my particular journey, but I don't think I will ever see fully this side of heaven. I guess I don't really need to.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9-10