Why I Love My Scar

I guess I have always known that life is a journey. That the way life looks today is not how it looked yesterday and not how it will look tomorrow. It is part of maturing, growing up... just part of life. But the older I get and the more of life that I live, the more real this becomes to me. I am 31 and have walked through things already in my life that I would never want to walk through again but yet am grateful for. For instance, I watched my dad go off to war and lived the better part of 2 years with him in the Persian Gulf. A scary time, but it helped me become more independent and was crucial in the development of my own personal faith. Like many, I struggled in high school with trying to find my identity in what others (one boy in particular) thought of me. One part teenage angst, two parts God beginning to teach me important lessons in finding my worth and identity in Him alone.

I have been thinking a lot lately about life's journey that has led me here. As I got out of the shower this afternoon, I paused in front of the mirror for a second and looked at my scar. It is long and tender and still looks kinda gnarly. Recovery has been a bit slower this time around and I have had a few hiccups along the way. Even now as I sit here, my precious Caden is laying across my lap sleeping. Laying across the aching scar that is the result of him being here and being healthy.

Many people try to hide their scars, disguise them or get rid of them. Me, I love my scar. I am proud of it. It is part of my life's journey and it represents so much growth and love and sorrow and joy and... oh so much more.

I look at that scar and I see God's provision of healing in my body. The first cut- the tumors could have been cancer but miraculously were not. I see life not following the path I prayed for but learning to trust in God's perfect love and plan. The second cut- my firstborn son with the most perfect baby cheeks and golden hair. I see God's faithfulness and abundant mercy as He rescued me from the depths of sorrow. The third cut- the love and joy of my life, my precious Lucas. Finally, I see God once again teaching me that His ways are higher than mine. Fourth cut- unexpected, but oh so treasured little Caden.

My scar tells me a story. It is the story of my journey to motherhood and all the bumps and turns along the way. But more than that, it is the story of God taking my hand and leading me through life's journey. Through the lowest lows and the highest highs and all that is between. It is a scar, the physical evidence of the pain. All of it. But also the evidence of the redemption of that pain. And that is why I love my scar. Without it, I would not be the mother of three boys. My journey would not be the same. True, it is ugly. But all that it represents is very dear to me. It is my rainbow, my reminder that no matter what life throws my way, my God is by my side.

There is a song by Sara Groves that I love and conveys this sentiment better than I can. It is all about God's faithfulness to take those things that may cause us despair and turn them into things that take us deeper with Him. That is my scar for me. As the song says, " in Your hands the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like character." If you have never heard the song, I encourage you to listen below.

We all have scars, whether physical or emotional. But God is faithful to take those scars and make them a powerful part of our journey. He redeems the pain and uses it to build our character. But it is still pain. Even though my heart is flooded with love for all my boys, it still aches at times. Just like my scar.

I praise You, oh Lord, for all of life that my scar represents to me. Help each day to be "less like breakdown, more like surrender; Less like haunting, more like remember." Help me, Lord to be faithful to You and your leading as I live the journey You have given me.