Disappointment and Discipline

Lucas playing on the beach over Christmas.

The two topics on my mind today.


First disappointment. Stupid Gators. Any sports fan knows that few things have the power to make you totally bummed as when your team is projected to win, should win, and then they play poorly and lose. It was close most of the game and the Gators couldn't pull it out. It was not Timmy's fault at all. He played great. Our defense just gave it away. O.K., enough football. But it really did TOTALLY bum me out. Utter disappointment.


Now discipline. Lucas is getting to that age where we need to decide how we are going to discipline him and be ultra-consistent with it. I ask him something simple like "please stop kicking" during a diaper change. He looks at me and continues kicking with that knowing half-smile like he understood what I asked and has chosen not to comply. That isn't just a toddler not knowing how to behave. That is my almost two-year-old chosing not to do what I have asked him to do. How do I deal with that?

I have been doing time-outs. Sometimes I can tell he gets why he is sitting in the chair. After one minute, I kneel next to him and tell him gently that he needs to obey mommy and he needs to tell me he is sorry for disobeying. He sweetly says "sorry mommy" then gives me a hug. Other times, he smiles and laughs in the chair and thinks it is a game.
He is such a smart kid whose vocabulary astounds me. He remembers and recounts stories and events and puts together 5-6 word sentences. He can do puzzles by himself that are meant for kids 4and up. But sometimes I get the feeling that I am being played. I can't tell sometimes if he understands my commands and is blatantly disobeying or if I need to try different ways of teaching him proper behavior. There are times when the distinction is obvious but other times it is much more grey.

I am not opposed to the idea of spanking but if we do chose to spank him, I want it to be controlled and consistent and not in the moment out of frustration. At this point, I am not sure he would understand anything but discipline in the moment of the behavior needing disciplining. I don't want to just lash-out and spank. I want our discipline to be... well, I am not sure how to finish that sentence but spanking in the heat of the moment feels rash. I have done it, but didn't feel good about it. I want whatever we do to be intentional and loving and effective.
The other problem, he whines WAY too much. If things aren't exactly as he wants them to be, the whining starts. I tell him so often to stop the whining that now he says it to himself. But he still doesn't listen. He keeps whining.
I need some help. How do you discipline a 21month old who is very smart, very stubborn, but also very sweet and tender-hearted? How can I help him stop the whining and learn to consistently use his large vocabulary?

Lucas is a very loving, active, and imaginative child. I don't want to break his little spirit. But he can't continue down this whining, stubborn, pitch-a-fit path. How do I mother him with firm boundaries but also let him be a free-spirit? Both are so important. Loving discipline that allows him to fully be himself.... that is what I am looking for. Any ideas?