GOAL!!

Wow... I haven't posted at all yet in May. There are so many days when I say "maybe I should blog about this" and yet the day ends and all I want to do is lay on the couch and fall asleep. And truthfully, there are so many things going on that I feel like I either have to tell y'all everything or I'm not being really me. I am kind of an "all-or-nothing" kind of gal (if you haven't learned that about me yet) and I need to learn to live a little more in the grey sometimes.

Anyway, I have a "mommy-pride" bursting moment to share to at least get me back in the groove. Lucas started playing pee-wee soccer last fall. Admittedly, it started a little rough. His focus was anywhere but on the field or the ball. It didn't seem to come very naturally to him, but it was his first go at organized team sports and he seem to have a great time. So, when his friends from school were organizing a team for spring soccer, we asked him and he said he wanted to play. And this year, he is doing so much better. :) He is keeping up with the ball better and getting more kicks. Seeing his little face when he gets a kick makes me giggle. He is so excited. And then last week, he got his first goal!!! And today he got another!! Hooray!!!!
I have to admit that I get really frustrated when he is out on the field and not paying attention. He still has many moments when he is distracted by something on the sidelines or he runs right past the ball because his mind is focused on something else (probably superhero related). I try to keep my frustration to myself (try being the key word). He is only 5 after all and has made serious improvements from the fall until now. And I am super-conscious to make my words to him be nothing but encouragement and redirection. But I do need to learn to relax my expectations a bit because sometimes I let the frustration overwhelm me. Again. (Yikes. Seems like an unfortunate trend with me.)
So let me rejoice in his growth!! LUCAS GOT TWO GOALS!!!! YIPPEE!!!!
Driving home from the game today, he said "Now, my favorite times of the week are when I am with Mommy and when I have a soccer game." *melt* What a precious kid!



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Babywearing is Good Medicine

Today has been one of the longest days so far since Caden has been born and it is only 1pm. But, when you get about 4hrs. of sleep between 10pm and 7am it makes for a long day.

Lucas has a cold and goes into these coughing fits. Hubby spent over an hour getting him to go to bed and Lucas finally settled down around 9. He slept until around midnight but was then up for a loooong time before he finally settled back down and slept for another couple hours. After I got Lucas back down (I was trying to let Hubby get as much sleep as he could since he had to work today), Caden took awhile to settle into sleep since he was up with me and Lucas for awhile. I think I finally fell asleep around 4 and woke up at 6:45. Not enough sleep for me.

The morning was ok. I actually got a few needed phone calls made and Lucas seemed to be feeling better (aka- no more fever). But around 11am, the you-know-what hit the fan. Lucas started to melt down. He wouldn't eat any lunch, he only wanted to play and cry. I did convince him to take one bite of mac-n-cheese but no sooner had he swallowed it than he started one of his coughing fits (he gets himself really worked up) and he threw up all over me and himself. Lovely. At this point, he is crying and Caden is crying and I am frustrated and wanting to cry. I think at one point I even said out loud that this felt like hell. Screaming kids all around, I am covered in vomit and really don't know what else to do.

So what did I do?.... the only thing I could think of (no, not drink but that may have helped). I strapped on my kids and starting walking. I walked up and down our hallway until Caden fell asleep and Lucas got quiet. After about 10min. I stopped and started to sit down. I heard Lucas from behind me whisper, "Keep walking, Mommy." So I got back up and walked some more. I started singing any and every praise song that came into my head. Partly because Lucas loves "Jesus songs" and I thought he might go to sleep and partly because I needed a shift in my perspective. I was so frustrated and could feel myself falling into that "why me?/poor me" mentality. That leads to mommy-guilt faster than anything else for me 'cuz it makes me say and think things that I don't like or want to be true about me.
So we walked... well I walked and the boys came along for the ride. If it wasn't chilly outside and I was wearing more than a tanktop, I would have gone outside. After another 20minutes or so, I put Lucas down and we all went upstairs to nap. Lucas sat next to me in his bed and we read books for 20min. while Caden nursed. Finally, at 1pm, I sit here and all my boys are asleep. Even the dog is asleep after pacing with me for half the time just 'cuz he was a little confused about what I was doing.

It has been a long night/morning to say the least but I have to say that I feel a little proud of myself for wearing down both my boys and using babywearing to calm us all. Now I am off to catch a few winks before we have to do it all over again this afternoon. Hopefully, a little rest will do us all some good.

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Frustration

I am SO frustrated right now!!!

Kids are unaware of weekends. Lucas woke up at 6:15, like clockwork. Now, it is after 10am and hubby is still in bed. Not only that but he woke up at 9:30 to kick the dog out of the bed and then went back to sleep. He should get up and be with Lucas and help me out, right?

Here is the background that complicates things. Hubby had a really tough week at work. He works in talk radio and the morning show that he developed and produces has been traveling and dealing with sick calls this week so he has been getting to work at like 3 or 4 am and not really coming home all that early. So he is very tired. I had a fun night of Thai food and hanging out with the girls last night (Thanks Cath, Heather, April, Cat, and Elizabeth!!!) and when I got home at 11:30 hubby was asleep. I assume he went to bed early after his long week. So he has been sleeping for probably over 12 hours at this point. He has always been one to love his sleep. We have dealt in the past with him not getting up to help me unless I specifically ask him. It had gotten some better for awhile but has kinda slipped again.

I really did want him to get extra rest this morning. But at what point does he need to just get up?!?! I will not go wake him. I feel guilty about it. He needs his sleep. It is his only day to sleep in. I can nap with Lucas later. It is my job as mommy to get up. Etc... But his long work week was not just hard on him. And don't I deserve to have a sleep-in day now and then too?

I don't want to wake him up. He really does deserve some extra sleep. But I also don't want the rest of our Saturday to be tainted by my passive-aggresive frustration at the events of this morning. And I know myself and that I often let my frustration build and not express it in healthy ways until it explodes and it gets ugly.

Lucas and I are having a pretty good morning. Cooking, puzzles, books, trucks.... the standards around here. I need to just let it go. Or should he get up? I really don't know.

Update: It is now a little after 11 and hubby got up shortly after I posted the above. I felt a little frustrated but really was able to just let it go. Venting it all here really helped, thinking maybe someone would hear me. :) Now, he has told me I can come upstairs and rest for awhile and he'll take Lucas and do lunch and whatever. Thanks hubby. Sorry for getting frustrated before.

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