A Need for Love

If you have been around the blogsphere or twitter at all today, you have heard about this story. I didn't even know about this blog until today. And boy, am I glad. I know it was God's way of sparing me the emotional manipulation. I did read about it last night, but I had no idea the extent of the deception that this woman manufactured until I read this Chicago Trib article today.

My first reaction- rage! How could this Chicago suburbs (she is from Palos Heights) woman fake this tragedy that is SO REAL for SO MANY people? She played on the empathy and emotion of mothers who have walked through similar heartache all in the name of getting the attention. The Trib reports that she did receive donations and gifts but they can't confirm if she benefited financially from the whole hoax. That doesn't matter to me. What makes me so infuriated is that she took a situation that I have lived through, that LOTS of people have lived through, and turned into a big game. It is not a game. The pain is real. The grief, the anxiety, the depth of sadness that you almost can't escape... all very real.

Once I had the chance to sit with this for a bit, my next reaction is just plain sadness. Sad for her. Sad for all the people that made the effort to support her even if it brought back the pain of their own grief. What must this girl's life be like that she would have to create such an elaborate scam to get the attention and love she needs? The Trib article also reports that she did lose a baby in 2005. SO she does know this pain. Which makes it even worse to me that she exploited it in this way. She must have a void, an emotional void, a deep need to be loved and appreciated and valued.

I don't know what disturbs me more, what this lady did or why she did it. Or, that I can see pieces of myself in her. I do know that feeling of wanting everyone to share in my grief or just acknowledge that what I was/am feeling is real. I also know the desire to have attention showered on me and to feel like I have something to give that other people thing is worth something. I too have a deep need to be loved and valued and appreciated. Most of us do in some way or another. But, thankfully and by God's grace, I have people in my life that love me and value me and appreciate me. Maybe not all the time or perfectly well. But I know that I am loved. And although my blog does not get 100,000 hits/day (as her was) or anywhere even in that ballpark, I can't get my worth from that. And even when the things I do to try to get attention or make something out of myself don't elicit the response from others that I was maybe hoping for, I can only be myself and learn to be content with that.

This girl, "April's Mom," did a really horrible thing. But she did it to fill a very real need. And I get that. I hate what she did. It still makes me very mad. But, I also want to find her and give her a hug. I'm sure she feels horrible now that the truth is out and she is getting all this negative press. I have done things too that I am not proud of. Most people have if they are being honest. So, I forgive her as a way of continuing the healing process in me. My grief is not lessened by what she did. Nor is hers. And for that, she needs my prayers and not my rage.


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Filtering Disney

Come join in the discussion over here today about the language our kids are exposed to in programming intended for kids. It frustrates me that Disney movies and other kids shows are not more careful about the language they choose. Should we have to filter Disney?

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All the things I should have said

Dear Sir who rudely approached me in Burger King while I was lunching with my boys~

I was so caught off guard when you came up to my table to reprimand me for nursing my baby in public, that I was unable to say all the things that I should have said. I now know how I want to respond so here it goes...

Let me start by saying, my baby was in the sling and covered by my sweater and there was NO skin showing. None at all. So I am not even sure what was so offensive to you that you went out of your way to scold me in front of my sons. But it was rude, so very rude. No one else was watching me, except you. That is, until you made a scene and brought all eyes my way. And then, I was embarrassed. You made my cheeks turn red and made feel like I should leave. But I had done nothing wrong. Nothing. I was very discretely feeding my son and you perverted that into something to be ashamed of. How dare you!?!? I am not being "inappropriate." It is not "something only to be done in private." It is natural, necessary, and my law-given right to feed my baby discretely where and when I need/want to.

What time warp did you just step out of that you think it is still the 1950's and breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of? Did your mommy not treat you right? Well, whatever your "women-issues," don't project them on me as I sit here nurturing my boys. I am a mother and I do what I have to do for my boys. If my baby is hungry and crying, I will feed him no matter where we are. If we are at church, in the mall, the grocery store, in line at Starbucks... heck, even if we were at the freakin' White House.... if my baby is hungry, I WILL FEED HIM!!! And no amount of creepy staring or misplaced reprimand from losers like you will ever change that.

And while on the topic of location, it is just Burger King, dude. It is not the Ritz-Carlton (although it wouldn't matter if it was). Take your mother/aunt/elderly woman friend someplace a little nicer next time for lunch and maybe it will be a little more up to your "standards."

Oh and finally... don't call me "young lady." I am almost 32, the mother of 3, a nurse, a wife, a full-time mother.... I work damn hard to take care of my family. I don't need to be patronized by a misogynistic, overweight loser who has nothing better to do than approach a well-meaning mom just trying to feed my kids and get through the day the best I can. Maybe next time I will let the baby scream and see how much that disturbs your lunch. Except I won't do that, 'cuz no matter where or when, if my baby is hungry I WILL FEED HIM. So step off!

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My sling is best, hands down!!

You can't be a babywearing blogger and not respond to this...




It is more than a bit ridiculous for Motrin to put out such an outrageous ad. I mean, who do they think is going to watch that and say "yeah, you're right. Babywearing is painful so I think I'll go take some Motrin." All they have done is piss off a fairly powerful group of moms who are fighting back in full force.
I just had to laugh when I saw the clip. Especially the line "supposedly, it is a real bonding experience." Wow. Kinda a low blow.
I am joining in with all my babywearing friends in standing up and saying it is NOT o.k. for companies to mock babywearing/motherhood and say thing that are very untrue. It would be like Victoria's Secret releasing an ad saying "don't breastfeed- the bras are horendous and it makes your boobs saggy." While those things may actually be more true than some of the things stated in the Motrin ad, it is still angering the entire demographic you are trying to market to and degrading something we all hold in high esteem- being a mother and doing what is best for our kids. It is not about looking cool or about being in fashion. Those things are great bonuses and I happen to think that babywearing IS fashionable. I can't think of a better accessory than my little Caden's cheeks. But it IS about being a mom and knowing what is best for our children. And what is best for MY babies and for me is my sling. Hands down.
They seem to be sorry about it, but unfortunately the damage may have already been done. You don't insult a mom for nurturing he babies and then ask her to buy your product. And who controls most family budgets and buys the products used to take care of the family?.... Yeah, bad move, Motrin. Someone is going to get fired over this one. That seems pretty clear.

And just for the record, babywearing is NOT painful. Carrying that blasted infant carseat is painful. Juggling your toddler and your grocery bags without dropping either... painful. Listening to baby cry while you are trying to cook dinner knowing that all baby needs is to be held close to mommy... painful. What is the fix? Certainly not a pain reliever. It is a sling. And that is the truth.

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Meant for worship, not performance

OK... so I am probably joining the ranks of many bloggers who will write on this topic by throwing my opinion into the ring, but here I go anyway.

I am a BIG American Idol fan. I always watch every episode from the first audition to the finale. I vote, I participate in an online voting game, I obsess about David Archeleta just like the rest of the world. But as I watched the results show tonight, I felt a little upset.

The top 8 finalists last night at "Idol Gives Back" and then again tonight sang a very well-known worship song, "Shout to the Lord." It was disturbing to me, unsettling. I don't get it. I don't understand why Idol would choose this song. I don't get the connection with this week's Idol theme of helping the world's poor and giving money to the underpriviledged. Except that there is a huge connection between the real message of this song and giving to the poor....Jesus. But I am almost certain it was not the intent of the Idol producers to spread the word about Jesus being the answer for the world's poor and hurting. It was emotional manipulation and I don't like it. For the same reason, I don't like shows like "Extreme Makeover:Home Edition." They are using the sincere sentiments of good people to manufacture emotion and make money.

This song is a worship song... meant to be sung unto God in reverence and with humility. Some of the finalists may or may not have a personal connection to this song. Maybe some of them have sung it in their church at home. But that is not the spirit in which the song was sung tonight. It was all performance, meant to endear the contestants and the show to the population of people watching who know this song and have sincere, heart-felt meaning associated with it. It was not meant to lead the audience in worship or give glory to God, even though those are the words they sang. "My Jesus, my Savior, Lord there is none like You." Hearing it performed on T.V. tonight felt forced and just plain weird. I don't like it. Not at all.

American Idol, though I love it, is about creating a pop star. And even though this week is supposedly about giving back to those in need, it is still a business - a huge money-making business where those on-screen and off make a gagillion dollars courtesy of faithful fans such as myself. So do this fan a favor and leave my faith out of your money making venture. Don't take songs written and meant for honest, reverent worship and turn them into just another way for you to make money. Jesus kicked people like that out of the temple. People who were using a place (and in this case, a song) meant for bringing God glory for their own personal fianancial promotion.
And even though the producers may not have intended for the song to proclaim the Gospel to the masses, I fully believe that the Holy Spirit can use this performance to speak truth to people who may not otherwise hear and may really need it. For that, I should stand up and say "Alleluia!" And I do. But that doesn't keep me from feeling like the whole thing is a bit weird and uncomfortable.

I may be being a bit harsh, or maybe not. This just doesn't sit well with me. I could go into more detail about my thoughts on faith and it's integration into culture, but that is for another day.
You watch the clip and decide for yourself. Maybe I am off base here. I would love to know your thoughts. Does this feel O.K. to you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chXEraRnE4o&feature=related
(The clip is from last night where they changed the opening line to "My Shepherd" instead of "My Jesus." But tonight they actually said Jesus. )

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