The Perfect Party

I need to go to bed... My 5:30 wake-up call is coming all too soon. But I just wanted to get some thoughts out so that my mind can sleep. If my mind won't turn off, I often can't fall asleep or I have disturbing dreams no matter how tired I am. Does that happen to anyone else?


We had Caden's official birthday party today- just a small gathering of people from our church and small group. It was nice. Actually, it was perfect. Food and cupcakes and presents and laughing. Kids playing and riding bikes, adults conversing and having a good time. More pictures from tonight to come once I download off my camera and get them from friends.
But beyond being a super-fun party (with a visit by the fire department... a story for another day), it was a lesson to me in surrender.

You see, I seem to have a curse. A rain curse to be exact. If I planned an outdoor party in the middle of the Sahara Desert, that would be the day the sky would open up and the rain would fall non-stop. This is not the first time I have, with the best of intentions, planned an outdoor gathering only for the weather to be uncooperative. As I cooked and prepped today in my kitchen, I started to feel the frustration and self-pity roll in with the dark clouds. Of course it would pour down rain during MY party! All I want is a simple, well-executed, memorable party that people will enjoy. I just want Caden's party to be special and wonderful... and now it is raining. Perfect!!
I tried to not let it get the best of me. I plodded ahead, hoping that maybe a miraculous burst of sunshine would break forth and push those nasty rain clouds away. But deep down I was not at all suprised this was happening to me.

I have this issue with God. My issue is... nothing ever seems to go the way I plan. I do my best to plan, plan, plan. I dot every "i" and cross every "t". At least I try. But something always throws a wrench in my plan. It can never be easy and straightforward or according to my well-thought out schedule. This has probably been true about me for most of my life. I am certainly not one of those "charmed" girls- you know, the ones that no matter what they do, what they touch, it comes out smelling like roses. But this issue I have with God has seemed to become more and more pronouced since losing Micah. Of course this would happen to me. Everything happens to me!

So tonight, we arrived at the party lo-cal hoping that the promised indoor back-up space would be suitable. I just wanted it to be larger than a closet and clean. Well, my very low standards were more than exceeded. It was probably the most perfect party room I could have hoped for. Plenty of room, bright paint, clean space, toys for kids, tables and chairs,... It had everything. We set up, the guests arrived, and we all had a fabulous time desipte my self-pity and grumbling.

God must have been sitting there shaking His head, listening to me whine. The party was better than what I had planned. We got to eat in this perfect inside space with A/C and then go outside to play once the rain cleared up a bit. I hope my guests thought so too, but I had a great time.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me and my family with a perfect party even though I was complaining and sulking. Thank you for providing an alternative and lifting my mood so that I could see what a perfect party YOU planned for my little boy.

I am not sure what to do about this little issue I have with God. I am working on it, I suppose- trying to let it all go. The pity and the entitlement are not at all attractive or edifiying to my soul. I thought I had planned a good party but God's was better. Typical. Maybe next time I will trust that He really does have my good in mind- that His ways are higher. Like I said, I.m working on it.


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Discipline part 2

I have gotten so many responses both through comments and e-mails about my discipline challenges with Lucas. Thank you to everyone that offered kind words of encouragement and advice. I have been thinking a ton about this today. It is -10degrees with wind chill here today so we have been stuck inside trying to stay sane and warm. I have a few things to add after reading y'all's responses and pondering all this in my head today.
I hope I did not make it sound like I have a tyrant on my hands. He is a handful, no doubt, and I am not back-peddling on what I said before. It is all true. I do feel we are at a crucial point for discipline where I need to be consistent and firm. But, he mostly very sweet and loving and is even playing independently and quietly with some new dinos as I write this (which RARELY happens). I think because he is so smart that I often hold him to very high standards of comprehension. I expect that he is fully understanding what I am asking him and that he is choosing his own behaviors over obedience. I don't think this is always true. I think he is testing the boundaries, testing what he will be able to get away with. I think my friend Rachael was so right when she said it is not that he is willfuly disobeying (which I think maybe he is sometimes) but rather learning the limits of his own will versus my requests of him. I often assume that he has learned things that he is still in the process of learning. He still kicks even though I have told him no because he is still disciphering that line between playful cuteness and disobediance. He is after all only 21 months old.
The other thing that occured to me today... yesterday was rough for us (thus the blog post). I was tired, we were all recouping from the holidays and travel. And, I was tense and upset because the Gators were playing so poorly. I was distracted and not giving him my full attention. I think most of his "poor behavior" was probably his attempts to get my attention and his response to my own erratic behaviors. Here I am blaming Lucas for being so disobedient when I probably didn't help the situation at all. Today, he has been so much better. He has my attention, we are playing with his firetruck and puzzles and he is getting stimulated and affirmed. Huge lesson for mommy here.
I still need a consistent clear plan for discipline. A way to set good boundaries and help establish good patterns of behavior. For Lucas and for me. At least no more football for awhile might help.

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Disappointment and Discipline

Lucas playing on the beach over Christmas.

The two topics on my mind today.


First disappointment. Stupid Gators. Any sports fan knows that few things have the power to make you totally bummed as when your team is projected to win, should win, and then they play poorly and lose. It was close most of the game and the Gators couldn't pull it out. It was not Timmy's fault at all. He played great. Our defense just gave it away. O.K., enough football. But it really did TOTALLY bum me out. Utter disappointment.


Now discipline. Lucas is getting to that age where we need to decide how we are going to discipline him and be ultra-consistent with it. I ask him something simple like "please stop kicking" during a diaper change. He looks at me and continues kicking with that knowing half-smile like he understood what I asked and has chosen not to comply. That isn't just a toddler not knowing how to behave. That is my almost two-year-old chosing not to do what I have asked him to do. How do I deal with that?

I have been doing time-outs. Sometimes I can tell he gets why he is sitting in the chair. After one minute, I kneel next to him and tell him gently that he needs to obey mommy and he needs to tell me he is sorry for disobeying. He sweetly says "sorry mommy" then gives me a hug. Other times, he smiles and laughs in the chair and thinks it is a game.
He is such a smart kid whose vocabulary astounds me. He remembers and recounts stories and events and puts together 5-6 word sentences. He can do puzzles by himself that are meant for kids 4and up. But sometimes I get the feeling that I am being played. I can't tell sometimes if he understands my commands and is blatantly disobeying or if I need to try different ways of teaching him proper behavior. There are times when the distinction is obvious but other times it is much more grey.

I am not opposed to the idea of spanking but if we do chose to spank him, I want it to be controlled and consistent and not in the moment out of frustration. At this point, I am not sure he would understand anything but discipline in the moment of the behavior needing disciplining. I don't want to just lash-out and spank. I want our discipline to be... well, I am not sure how to finish that sentence but spanking in the heat of the moment feels rash. I have done it, but didn't feel good about it. I want whatever we do to be intentional and loving and effective.
The other problem, he whines WAY too much. If things aren't exactly as he wants them to be, the whining starts. I tell him so often to stop the whining that now he says it to himself. But he still doesn't listen. He keeps whining.
I need some help. How do you discipline a 21month old who is very smart, very stubborn, but also very sweet and tender-hearted? How can I help him stop the whining and learn to consistently use his large vocabulary?

Lucas is a very loving, active, and imaginative child. I don't want to break his little spirit. But he can't continue down this whining, stubborn, pitch-a-fit path. How do I mother him with firm boundaries but also let him be a free-spirit? Both are so important. Loving discipline that allows him to fully be himself.... that is what I am looking for. Any ideas?

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