Change of Heart

Stop by my house any given Sunday at around 9:45-10am and you are almost guaranteed to see chaos. Hubby and I are dressing boys, trying to get dressed ourselves, feeding people and getting food ready to take to church (our house church always has lunch together after the service), taking the dog out, ... There is always some sort of last minute thing or complication that delays us getting out the door. And hubby hates to be late, especially to church.
Since we do go to a house church, the environment is a bit more casual and laid back during the service. I usually have at least one boy on my lap during church and then after the service we have to deal with the challenge of feeding ourselves and our toddler and getting home before pre-nap meltdown begins or Lucas falls asleep in the car (which is NOT good 'cuz then he won't sleep at home). Sundays are not always a day of rest around here, at least not before 1pm. This level of busy-ness and lack of structure makes it hard for me to concentrate at church. Hard to be worshipful and reflective and intentional. But I realized something today. It is not really about what is going on around me that makes it hard for me to "enter in." Well it is, but that is not the full story.
We were responsible for teaching the kids today. The lesson was on the boyhood of Jesus and we just got the materials last night. So after we got home from a wonderful belated birthday dinner out, hubby and I read over the lesson and planned out what we were going to say and present to the kids.
Then today in church, before going downstairs to teach the kids, I was more "present" for worship than I have been in awhile. Lucas was throwing a tantrum, we had the normal level of crazy this morning, but still my mind felt calm. My heart was still.
Why? I can't say 100%. Probably partly because Hubby and I had some much needed connecting time last night, partly because I got a little extra sleep this morning. Maybe too because I actually took the time to fix my hair and not pull it back in a pony-tail this morning so I felt a little more put-together. But I can't help but think it is also because I read over that lesson last night. And then again this morning and was running over the story in my head, thinking about Jesus in the temple with the priests and what God would have me the kids learn from this story. My heart was a little more focused, a little more centered. And church was great. Even the meal after felt less hurried, less crazy. Lesson learned, hopefully.

Psalm 86
A prayer of David.

1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God;
save your servant who trusts in you.
3 Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.
4 Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.
6 Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.
9 All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life— men without regard for you.
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger,
abounding in love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant and save the son of your maidservant.
17 Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.


Change my Heart, Oh God (Words and Music by Eddie Espinosa)

Change my heart oh God, make it ever true.
Change my heart oh God, may I be like You.

You are the potter, I am the clay,
mold me and make me, this is what I pray.