Obstacle of Complacency

In an attempt to deepen my spiritual life a little, I asked for the book Praying God's Word by Beth Moore. I wanted something to help guide me in some regular prayer time since I have been seriously lacking in that area for awhile. I won't say that I stopped praying after Micah died since that is not totally true (although I did really start to question my role in prayer... but that is another story). And I won't say that this messy church battle we lived through a few years ago stunted me spiritually, since that probably isn't the whole story either. But throw all of life's events from the last 7yrs. into a big pot and stir it up and what you get is a woman who loves Jesus and knows He is guiding and loving me but also one who has kinda fallen off the wagon when it comes to deepening my spiritual walk.

But now I am trying to get back on track. I have been meeting regularly with this amazing lady (we'll call her Jane) from my church whose love for Jesus and her family astounds me. She challenges me and encourages me and I am so very grateful for her. But I also got a few books to help me improve my quiet time with God from rare to regular.
When I got the Beth Moore book, I read on the cover that it was about "breaking free from spiritual strongholds" and I thought that maybe this wasn't exactly what I was looking for.

"STRONGHOLDS sounds so severe. I just need something to get me going."

Turns out, this is exactly what I need, and maybe have been needing for awhile.
This lady from my church, Jane, from the outside she seems to be exactly what I strive for: full of life and compassion, gentle and kind, focused on Jesus. But she always wants more. She is always desiring and actively seeking to be more full of Jesus. She has share with me somethings that she is working through and it always throws me for a loop. I would NEVER have thought of that as a obstacle to our spiritual journey!! But for her, she is trying to empty herself of herself and be totally filled with Jesus. I am seeing now more clearly than ever, that one of my obstacles in my spiritual walk has been complacency.

When I was praying last fall about how I could grow as a child of God and a mother and a wife and God whispered to me that asking Jane to meet with me was the first step, that was the beginning of a journey away from complacency. There are so many areas of my life that need honing and refining. I need more of Jesus so that I don't try to do things in my own strength, or lack of. But so often it was becoming easy for me to say that I was a pretty good mom and I loved Jesus and I tried to serve my husband. But the last few months, I feel like God is really showing me that I need to strive for more than that. He wants me to be filled to overflowing with His love and blessings and grace. And to pour out to others out of that excess.
I am seeing, maybe for the first time in a long time, where I really am. I am seeing my faults in new light (and my strengths too) and seeing how I am not as close to God as I really want to be.

I read this line in Praying God's Word that has stuck with me. In talking about scriptures to pray to overcome the stronghold of pride, Beth Moore says, " Pride is self-absorption whether we are absorbed with how miserable we are or how wonderful we are."

I think I have been self-absorbed for too long. Absorbed with how little sleep I am getting or how little space I have or how many things are on my plate or how I have been hurt by so-and-so or how life would have been different if only....

Father, I desire to humble myself before you and trust that you will lift me up. (James 4:10)

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